Written by: Kristen G
Who Am I Anymore?
Seriously… if someone offered you a free afternoon, would you even know what to do with it?
Same.
I remember sitting on the edge of the bed, post-baby, trying to explain to my husband that I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Was I tired? Yes. But it was more than that. All my energy (mental, emotional, and physical) was wrapped up in being a mom, a wife, and the planner of everyone else’s life but mine. I looked at him and said, “I don’t know what I need… but I know I need a break.” Bless him, he listened. But even I couldn’t explain what I was missing.
Whether it’s babies, a career, caregiving, or just life moving too fast… a lot of us hit midlife and suddenly realize we don’t recognize ourselves anymore. We’ve been busy doing all the things: hustling, helping, handling. But underneath the capable woman who “has it all together” is a quiet question:
“Who am I, outside of what I do for everyone else?”
Believe me, I understand and have been there. I also thought I was the only one. I would wonder what is wrong with me? I thought other moms are happy doing the wife and mom life so why am I not content?”
Spoiler: You’re Still In There.
You don’t have to blow up your life to find yourself again. You just have to start listening for the girl who used to love dancing… or painting… or walking around Target alone with coffee and no one asking for snacks.
Start there.
Not with what needs to be done. But with what used to light you up. Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean running errands solo. It means doing the things that make you feel alive again.
Take the class. Book the studio. Go to the concert. Buy the cheap watercolor set from Amazon and make a mess. Because your joy matters! And guess what? Your kids will be fine. Your husband will be fine. And one day they’ll watch you doing “your thing” and they’ll light up too, because they see you lit up. Taking time for yourself is not selfish, it’s the real self-care!
Yes, You’ll Need Boundaries.
You might have to say, “No, I can’t come to your fourth soccer practice this week. I will be doing (enter your thing).” It will feel weird and it might even feel wrong. But it isn’t. You need to teach your kids what it looks like to take care of yourself so that they have an example of how to do the same when they are adults. Because when you prioritize you, you’re showing your family that women don’t disappear after motherhood or marriage. We evolve.
Ladies… I finally got up the nerve to do this and you know what happened? They were excited for me and wanted to hear all about the thing that mommy loves! They were proud of me when they saw me doing my thing. AND… they also started to develop a love for it because they saw how I lit up and they enjoyed learning more about my thing.
You’re Allowed to Start Over
You’re not too old. It’s not too late. You don’t need permission.
Pick up the hobby. Call that friend. Say yes to something fun and no to something that drains you.
Find friends that know you, not “mom you” or “wife you” or “work you.” Find the you that gets excited again.
Remember…You’re not lost.
You’re just buried under a to-do list that never included your name.
(Comment and share what you’re thing is!)
Kristen G’s Thing:
My thing? Animals. Always has been.
Before I had my daughter, I worked in animal hospitals as a vet assistant, then manager — and I loved it. But after having my baby, I stepped away from that world. Life got full… fast. And while I wouldn’t trade those years, I lost a part of me in the shuffle.
Cue the identity crisis.
Recently, I started volunteering at a local raptor rehab and education center, working with birds of prey (yes! real hawks, owls, and falcons!). We travel to schools, senior centers, and community events, teaching people how incredible these birds really are.
And let me tell you… I feel like me again.
No, it’s not always easy. I have to schedule around it, say no to other things, and protect that time. But every time I show up for this passion of mine, I go home more joyful. More me.
