What if grit and grace weren’t opposites?
What if they were partners? Like a killer playlist and quiet prayer. Two different strengths that work together to get you through the day.
Maybe you’ve had one of those moments (or days) where you missed the school assembly. Or forgot to send a lunch. Or bailed on a coffee date. Or skipped the workout you swore you’d do. Small stuff that somehow feels big. You tell yourself, “Give yourself grace” and then five minutes later, you’re mentally flogging yourself for it. I’ve been there.
Let me paint you a picture: I skipped something the other day. Nothing major, nothing life-altering. Just one of those things I’d planned to show up for and didn’t. And of course, it ended up being the day. The one where everything went beautifully without me, where people I love (and didn’t even know would be there) unexpectedly showed up, and (because life loves to rub it in) other ridiculously perfect things happened too. Naturally.
…Sigh…
I told myself I needed to rest. I told myself, Your body is exhausted. Your mind is tired. You need to give yourself some grace. Good for me, right?
Well, there I sat, in my quiet house while everyone else was there, and instead of resting I found myself thinking (okay, overthinking): You’re so lazy. What kind of example are you setting? You should have gone.
This might seem like a minor “who cares” kind of thing to be upset about. But to me, that day, it felt huge. I felt like I should’ve been there. Part of it, present in it. And I missed it. All because I wanted to rest, like everyone keeps insisting I should, and apparently I’m spectacularly bad at it. Turns out, rest is harder than it looks. I can still hear it: ‘Why isn’t Kristen here?’ … ‘Well you see…she was tired.’ I just did a mental eye roll myself, believe me.
What if grace is actually harder than grit?
For some of us pushing and hustling is the default. It’s what we do naturally. It’s where we feel we have purpose and value. But rest? Oof. That’s hard! That’s where we can fall prey to feelings of guilt and regret. How do we change that? How can we learn to live with resilience (grit) without losing compassion (grace) for ourselves? Our modern life glorifies hustle and toughness but often forgets the softness we need to survive it.
Here’s the truth; we need both grit and grace…and that’s hard sometimes. In our midlife hustle chapter, we are juggling careers (whether at the office or at home), dealing with hormones that are all over the place, parenting kids (and their attitudes), while trying to stay healthy amid personal identity shifts and school functions.
Grit helps us get through, but grace helps us not fall apart in the process.
With grace we can tell ourselves: “It’s okay you missed replying to that email today.” “It’s okay the playdate didn’t happen” “It’s okay you forgot to send in the permission slip.” Without grace we can burnout and become resentful, then start comparing ourselves to others around us. We can start to feel overwhelmed, self-critical, and never enough. Grace reminds us that we are humans and not machines. Grace in these moments will help us rebound faster when we have those inevitable bad days. Then we can shake it off, take a deep breath, and step back into our grit, armed with lessons, humor, and maybe a snack.
Practicing Grace in the Gritty Moments
Here is what I am learning (or I should say re-learning) on a daily basis:
- Rest without guilt.
Your body and brain aren’t machines. Give them a break without the mental guilt trip. Rest isn’t weakness… it’s what makes the hustle sustainable.
2. Reframe the self-talk.
Swap “I should be doing more” for “I’m doing my best”. Even if your best looks a little messy today. Remember the quote: “If you gave 40% today, and that’s all you had, you gave 100%.”
3. Remember how strong you are:
Replay those moments you pushed through when quitting would’ve been easier: ugly crying in the car after drop-offs, sniffles hidden while packing snacks, tears wiped in the bathroom…and still the hugs, smiles, and ‘I love you’s’ you delivered like nothing happened. Replay those scenes in your mind like the highlight reel of your own life.
4. Refuse to worry about the small stuff:
Late for the meeting? Missed the school assembly? Forgot it was “wear neon” day at school. Again. (Your kid blending in with the beige crowd? Builds character.) Remember: those little mistakes don’t define you. Or your kid.
We can’t have grit without grace. You’re not behind. You’re not broken…You’re tired (and human). And that’s ok. That’s what makes you real. Remember that you’re not alone. You don’t need to earn rest and grace. You don’t need to prove your worth by being perfect or productive. Grace says “you’re still worthy. Even now. Especially now.”
