Category: Midlife Mindset

Grace in the Midst of Grit: Finding Peace in the Push
Written by:
Kristen

What if grit and grace weren’t opposites?

What if they were partners? Like a killer playlist and quiet prayer. Two different strengths that work together to get you through the day.

Maybe you’ve had one of those moments (or days) where you missed the school assembly. Or forgot to send a lunch. Or bailed on a coffee date. Or skipped the workout you swore you’d do. Small stuff that somehow feels big. You tell yourself, “Give yourself grace” and then five minutes later, you’re mentally flogging yourself for it. I’ve been there.

Let me paint you a picture: I skipped something the other day. Nothing major, nothing life-altering. Just one of those things I’d planned to show up for and didn’t. And of course, it ended up being the day. The one where everything went beautifully without me, where people I love (and didn’t even know would be there) unexpectedly showed up, and (because life loves to rub it in) other ridiculously perfect things happened too. Naturally.

…Sigh…

I told myself I needed to rest. I told myself, Your body is exhausted. Your mind is tired. You need to give yourself some grace. Good for me, right?

Well, there I sat, in my quiet house while everyone else was there, and instead of resting I found myself thinking (okay, overthinking): You’re so lazy. What kind of example are you setting? You should have gone.

This might seem like a minor “who cares” kind of thing to be upset about. But to me, that day, it felt huge. I felt like I should’ve been there. Part of it, present in it. And I missed it. All because I wanted to rest, like everyone keeps insisting I should, and apparently I’m spectacularly bad at it. Turns out, rest is harder than it looks. I can still hear it: ‘Why isn’t Kristen here?’ … ‘Well you see…she was tired.’ I just did a mental eye roll myself, believe me.

What if grace is actually harder than grit?

For some of us pushing and hustling is the default. It’s what we do naturally. It’s where we feel we have purpose and value. But rest? Oof. That’s hard! That’s where we can fall prey to feelings of guilt and regret. How do we change that? How can we learn to live with resilience (grit) without losing compassion (grace) for ourselves? Our modern life glorifies hustle and toughness but often forgets the softness we need to survive it.

Here’s the truth; we need both grit and grace…and that’s hard sometimes. In our midlife hustle chapter, we are juggling careers (whether at the office or at home), dealing with hormones that are all over the place, parenting kids (and their attitudes), while trying to stay healthy amid personal identity shifts and school functions.

Grit helps us get through, but grace helps us not fall apart in the process.

With grace we can tell ourselves: “It’s okay you missed replying to that email today.” “It’s okay the playdate didn’t happen” “It’s okay you forgot to send in the permission slip.” Without grace we can burnout and become resentful, then start comparing ourselves to others around us. We can start to feel overwhelmed, self-critical, and never enough. Grace reminds us that we are humans and not machines. Grace in these moments will help us rebound faster when we have those inevitable bad days. Then we can shake it off, take a deep breath, and step back into our grit, armed with lessons, humor, and maybe a snack.

Practicing Grace in the Gritty Moments

Here is what I am learning (or I should say re-learning) on a daily basis:
1. Rest without guilt.
Your body and brain aren’t machines. Give them a break without the mental guilt trip. Rest isn’t weakness… it’s what makes the hustle sustainable.

2. Reframe the self-talk.

Swap “I should be doing more” for “I’m doing my best”. Even if your best looks a little messy today. Remember the quote: “If you gave 40% today, and that’s all you had, you gave 100%.”

3. Remember how strong you are:

Replay those moments you pushed through when quitting would’ve been easier: ugly crying in the car after drop-offs, sniffles hidden while packing snacks, tears wiped in the bathroom…and still the hugs, smiles, and ‘I love you’s’ you delivered like nothing happened. Replay those scenes in your mind like the highlight reel of your own life.

4. Refuse to worry about the small stuff:

Late for the meeting? Missed the school assembly? Forgot it was “wear neon” day at school. Again. (Your kid blending in with the beige crowd? Builds character.) Remember: those little mistakes don’t define you. Or your kid.

We can’t have grit without grace. You’re not behind. You’re not broken…You’re tired (and human). And that’s ok. That’s what makes you real. Remember that you’re not alone. You don’t need to earn rest and grace. You don’t need to prove your worth by being perfect or productive. Grace says “you’re still worthy. Even now. Especially now.”
August 27, 2025
Finding Peace in the Middle

The cycle began when I was a child, long before I reached my teenage years. A night I’m still not comfortable discussing left a lifelong emotional scar. That night, I left my biological mother’s house and never lived with her again. To be transparent, it took over ten years before we would even speak.

That same night, I moved in with a woman who chose to be my mom. Not by blood, but by every action, every sacrifice, and every quiet moment of showing up. She rubbed my head until I fell asleep. She held me through breakups, a divorce, and childbirth. She loved me like I was her own. Over time, that love created a deep sense of safety and family, but also resentment toward the one person who should have been there.

And yet… a part of me still longed for a connection with my biological mother.

Even after everything, that longing never fully disappeared. By the time I was through my teenage years, on my second marriage, and had just given birth to my first daughter, I felt that longing more intensely than ever. I think the child in me still held on to hope, hope to feel wanted by the person who gave me life.

My mom, the one who raised me, was incredibly supportive. I was hesitant to pursue a relationship with my biological mother because I didn’t want to hurt the woman who had done so much for me. But she reassured me, time and time again, that she understood.

So, when my daughter was two, I reached out and began to rebuild a relationship. I kept it at arm’s length. I wouldn’t fully let her in, I didn’t invite her to birthday parties, big milestones, or sporting events. I tried to navigate this new dynamic the best way I knew how, on my terms. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t all-in. I hadn’t shared my intentions or communicated my goals for the relationship. I imagine that hurt her. But honestly, I didn’t think she had earned the right to be part of those moments, and I was afraid. Afraid she’d leave again. Afraid she’d hurt me again. Or worse, hurt my child emotionally. That was something I swore I’d never allow. Eventually, I realized this setup was unfair to both of us. So I ended the relationship.

Then, after the birth of my second daughter, the cycle repeated. I reached out again, but this time, I had boundaries. I was honest about my pain, my hesitation, my expectations. And this time, she chose to walk away.

And I was okay with that.

I still don’t know exactly what I ever really wanted from her…or what I still want. But what I do know is this:

I’m allowed to grieve the mother I needed.
I’m allowed to cherish the woman who stepped up and became the mother I deserved.
And I’m allowed to choose peace, even if that means closing that door forever.

Healing isn’t linear. Neither are mother-daughter relationships. I’ve learned that I can carry both grief and gratitude…and I do, every single day. The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that wanting a relationship doesn’t always mean it’s meant to be. That doesn’t make me weak, wrong, or ungrateful.

What happened to me as a child changed everything. I’ve done the work, through therapy, through many self-help books, through reflection.

And the love I received from the woman who raised me gave me the strength to begin healing. She didn’t replace anyone. She redefined what it means to be a mother and it is so much more than a uterus.

August 20, 2025
“Who Am I Now? A Midlife Guide to Finding Yourself Again After 40

midlife-hustle.com

Written by: Kristen G

Who Am I Anymore?

Seriously… if someone offered you a free afternoon, would you even know what to do with it?

Same.

I remember sitting on the edge of the bed, post-baby, trying to explain to my husband that I didn’t even know who I was anymore. Was I tired? Yes. But it was more than that. All my energy (mental, emotional, and physical) was wrapped up in being a mom, a wife, and the planner of everyone else’s life but mine. I looked at him and said, “I don’t know what I need… but I know I need a break.” Bless him, he listened. But even I couldn’t explain what I was missing.

Whether it’s babies, a career, caregiving, or just life moving too fast… a lot of us hit midlife and suddenly realize we don’t recognize ourselves anymore. We’ve been busy doing all the things: hustling, helping, handling. But underneath the capable woman who “has it all together” is a quiet question:

“Who am I, outside of what I do for everyone else?”

Believe me, I understand and have been there. I also thought I was the only one. I would wonder what is wrong with me? I thought other moms are happy doing the wife and mom life so why am I not content?”

Spoiler: You’re Still In There.

You don’t have to blow up your life to find yourself again. You just have to start listening for the girl who used to love dancing… or painting… or walking around Target alone with coffee and no one asking for snacks.

Start there.

Not with what needs to be done. But with what used to light you up. Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean running errands solo. It means doing the things that make you feel alive again.

Take the class. Book the studio. Go to the concert. Buy the cheap watercolor set from Amazon and make a mess. Because your joy matters! And guess what? Your kids will be fine. Your husband will be fine. And one day they’ll watch you doing “your thing” and they’ll light up too, because they see you lit up. Taking time for yourself is not selfish, it’s the real self-care!

Yes, You’ll Need Boundaries.

You might have to say, “No, I can’t come to your fourth soccer practice this week. I will be doing (enter your thing).” It will feel weird and it might even feel wrong. But it isn’t. You need to teach your kids what it looks like to take care of yourself so that they have an example of how to do the same when they are adults. Because when you prioritize you, you’re showing your family that women don’t disappear after motherhood or marriage. We evolve.

Ladies… I finally got up the nerve to do this and you know what happened? They were excited for me and wanted to hear all about the thing that mommy loves! They were proud of me when they saw me doing my thing. AND… they also started to develop a love for it because they saw how I lit up and they enjoyed learning more about my thing.

You’re Allowed to Start Over

You’re not too old. It’s not too late. You don’t need permission.

Pick up the hobby. Call that friend. Say yes to something fun and no to something that drains you.

Find friends that know you, not “mom you” or “wife you” or “work you.” Find the you that gets excited again.

Remember…You’re not lost.
You’re just buried under a to-do list that never included your name.

(Comment and share what you’re thing is!)

Kristen G’s Thing:

midlife-hustle.com

My thing? Animals. Always has been.

Before I had my daughter, I worked in animal hospitals as a vet assistant, then manager — and I loved it. But after having my baby, I stepped away from that world. Life got full… fast. And while I wouldn’t trade those years, I lost a part of me in the shuffle.

Cue the identity crisis.

Recently, I started volunteering at a local raptor rehab and education center, working with birds of prey (yes! real hawks, owls, and falcons!). We travel to schools, senior centers, and community events, teaching people how incredible these birds really are.

And let me tell you… I feel like me again.

No, it’s not always easy. I have to schedule around it, say no to other things, and protect that time. But every time I show up for this passion of mine, I go home more joyful. More me.

August 13, 2025